Wednesday, August 22, 2007

FDA Approves Seconds

WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprising reversal of its longtime single-helping policy, the Food and Drug Administration announced its approval of seconds Tuesday, claiming that an additional plateful of food with every meal can greatly reduce the risk of hunger as well as provide an excellent source of deliciousness.

Enlarge Image FDA

The Department of Agriculture has revised its old food pyramid to reflect the new guidelines.

Addressing what it calls a "growing epidemic of cravings and hankerings," the federal agency recommended redesigning food labels to prominently display extra-serving sizes and pledged to better educate consumers on how to make informed additional-portion choices at home and in restaurants.

"There's plenty to go around," FDA commissioner Andrew von Eschenbach said between spoonfuls of mashed potatoes during a benefit luncheon at the Clean Plate Club in Washington. "We've found that eating seconds is essential for keeping up the country's strength."

"Besides, with people starving in other parts of the world, it would be an absolute shame to let our nice food supply all go to waste," the commissioner added.

Once restricted to the head of the household, on Thanksgiving, or to those who had been extra good, seconds will now be made available to the general public in over-the-kitchen-counter form. However, FDA officials warn that those with a history of health problems should consult their doctor first.

"Seconds may not be suitable for everyone," von Eschenbach said. "Especially those who suffer from heart disease, those at risk for diabetes, people trying to lose weight, and women."

Enlarge Image FDA Approves Jump

Uneaten potential seconds, like those seen in this file photo, could soon become a thing of the past.

The FDA also recommended moderation in consuming seconds. Researchers in the seconds field have noted occasional side effects, such as hardly being able to get up from the table, pants-loosening, drowsiness, and the feeling that one "might explode" if one eats just one more bite.

A report commissioned by the Las Vegas–based International Brotherhood of Buffet Owners revealed that 75 percent of undereating occurs in those afflicted by a rare disorder in which their eyes are smaller than their stomachs, preventing them from taking advantage of all-you-can-eat opportunites. Picky eating habits and an unwillingness to stuff oneself are considered the leading preventable causes of scrawniness among Americans.

"Growing boys represent the greatest at-risk group, as unprecedented numbers of them are wasting away," registered dietician and grandmother of six Irma Jacobs said. "They'll just turn into skin and bones before our very eyes unless we make a concerted effort to get them to eat, eat, eat up."

Other nutritionists suggest that the need for seconds could be eliminated by an initial very large, or "heaping," helping.

"Larger portions could entirely eliminate the need to reach over, pass dishes, or get out of a chair," said clinical nutritionist Gary Bergen of Los Angeles' Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, who estimates that millions of calories and thousands of hours of eating time are wasted annually by making unnecessary second-serving trips. "I find it ironic that the FDA has approved seconds, yet still hasn't standardized the dollop."

Despite months of work and the purchase of several new wardrobes, FDA researchers say their study of the consumption of thirds and fourths has been inconclusive, but they suggest a possible link between these additional servings and tummy aches.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Funny Joke

Gorilla Control
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A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

A Sad Day

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't legally defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Camping!

We have decided to go camping for a vacation this year. Now I use the word vacation very loosely mostly because I think camping can be allot of work. Fun, but work. I love the great outdoors but hate putting the tent up. I love sitting in nature but hate hiking. There are many things I'd like to do on my vacation and one of them is absolutely nothing. Sit around, read, catch up on some of my video games, thats a vacation. Oh well, maybe its just me.

Friday, July 20, 2007

I'm Back (Again)

Hello again, I'm back. Been gone too long now I will continue to fill your lives with dread and negative thoughts. I was wondering, why have people gotten so dumb? Is it really the decline of civilization? People seem to go to school, get an education and go on some game show and don't the answers to simple gradeschool questions. Maybe I just hate everyone.

Friday, February 23, 2007

This Guy Goes Into A Bar......


Hey ho my friends. Just thought you might want to check this out. Funny no? Creepy yes? I have decided to give up bull fighting for lent. I know what you're saying, what about your dreams! Well, sometimes you have to give up something that means something to you for lent.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentines Day


Happy Valentines Day Everybody! I bet you thought I had forgotten about this blog. I will now turn over another leaf and start posting again.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Avery's Halloween Costume


He's Robin (As in Batman and Robin)
Griffin is Yu Gi Oh! this year and I will post his picture after Halloween. He was not modeling yesterday.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Humans vs. Stingrays (Humans - 0 Stingrays - 2)

Did you hear about the stingray that "jumped" into a 80 year old mans boat and stabbed him with the barb inthe chest!!! They took him to the hospital and he may survive. When they said the Steve Irwin thing was a freak accident and now this! They are coming for us. First one then two and then a hundred how many times does this have to happen before they start doing something about them. Be afraid. Sorry to my wife I don't have any pictures of the old man getting stabbed. Maybe I'll get lucky and someone snapped a few shots. I did my own version of what happened until then.


Wednesday, October 18, 2006

OMG I'm Back!

If anyone was wondering, i'm not dead. Just busy doing my thing, taking care of the kids and so on and so forth. I am excitied about the bears and hope they could do something this year. Rex was just awful this week. If anyone is interested I have some photos of Steve Irwin just before and after he was stung. When I heard what happened I didn't imagine him wearing kaki shorts on a scuba dive?




Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Why Do I Hate People?

Let me count the ways:
They are stupid, they can't drive, they only care about themselves, they are rude, they are ignorant, they smell sometimes, they drink and drive, they swear in public with little children around, they talk in the moive theater, they piss on the toilet seats, they TALK ON THEIR CELL PHONES LOUDLY IN A CROWDED TRAIN, they act like they are doing you a favor when they are working at a job, they don't like to listen to me rant, they talk like they know what you're talking about when you can see it in their eyes that they have no idea, they tell lies, they cut in line, they act stupid in order for it to benefit them, they speak another language about you in front of you, they don't know when to quit while they are ahead, they are stupid, did I mention that? I could go on but I'll leave the rest to you guys.

Monday, June 19, 2006

The Follow-up To Friday June 16th

Well my "Positive" Friday didn't go as bad as I thought it would. I drove into the city and let out one swear word but then reminded myself about being positive. I made it downtown in one hour, my day went fast I left work early, did a little afterwork work and got home in about 45 minutes. So all was not bad but it took alot of restraint. Maybe I will try this crazy experiment again sometime.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Friday, June 16th, 2006

This Friday I will attempt something so outrageous that I am not sure I will be able to pull it off. At the suggestion of a friend, that I need to stop being so negative, I will on Friday be positive for one whole day. Yes, I will not even say bad things about drivers or stupid people I meet on the street. We shall see how I feel afterwards (I already know though).

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Duck X-ray reveals 'alien head'

CORDELIA, Calif. - The International Bird Rescue Research Center in Cordelia plans to raise funds with an unusual duck X-ray. The bird came in with a broken wing, but when Marie Travers, assistant manager of the center, radiographed the duck, she was stunned to see a very clear image of what appeared to be the face, or head, of an extraterrestrial alien in the bird's stomach.

Photo"Marie looked at it and all she could say was 'unbelievable,'" said Karen Benzel, public affairs director for the rescue center, which has been rescuing sick and injured birds for more than three decades.

Unfortunately, the duck died quickly and quietly of its injuries.

Initial reports from the center claimed the cause of the alien face was never determined, but Benzel said she was still awaiting results of a necropsy.

Either way, the center has come up with a way to turn its alien encounter into a fundraiser for the center. It will auction off the X-ray on eBay.

The one-of-a-kind image, which measures 17-by-14 inches, will be sold along with a certificate of authenticity. All proceeds will go toward funding the center's rehabilitation programs.

The auction begins Sunday.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Loving Your Pets To Death

Fat Animals Are COOL!!!

CANBERRA (Reuters) - Australia is a nation of pet lovers but it may be loving its animals to death with pet owners passing on rising levels of obesity by overfeeding their cats and dogs, the country's main animal welfare body says.

Despite its image as a sports-mad country full of fit, sun-bronzed youth, Australia in reality is battling the bulge and challenging the United States as the world's fattest nation. The problem now extends to household pets.

Obesity rates for Australians have doubled over the past 20 years, with 62 percent of men and 45 percent of women now deemed overweight or obese.

The same trend applies to household pets, with an increase in the number of overweight cats and dogs being dealt with by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA), and even one case of an obese pet mouse.

"It's a big problem, and quite reflective of what's happening in the human situation," said Mark Lawrie, the RSPCA's chief vet.

Australia is a nation of 20 million people, almost 4 million dogs, 2.5 million cats, 8.7 million pet birds and more than 12 million pet fish.

It has one of the world's highest rates of pet ownership at 64 percent of households, compared to 62 percent in the United States and 44 percent in Britain.

Lawrie told Reuters surveys had found that between 40 and 44 percent of dogs and more than one in three household cats were now overweight, due to poor diet and a lack of exercise.

Fat cats and dogs were more vulnerable to diabetes, arthritis, heart problems and liver disease.

Dogs most at risk were Labradors, Beagles and cross-breeds such as Labradoodles -- a mixture of a Labrador and a Poodle -- with household moggies more at risk than other types of cats.

The RSPCA said de-sexing and lower levels of exercise had an impact on pet obesity, but the key issue was over-eating.

"It's really the calorie intake and food that makes the big difference," Lawrie said, adding that many pet owners could not resist giving their animals food when they asked for it.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

In Case You Were Wondering


AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Bears killed and ate a monkey in a Dutch zoo in front of horrified visitors, witnesses and the zoo said Monday. In the incident Sunday at the Beekse Bergen Safari Park, several Sloth bears chased the Barbary macaque into an electric fence, where it was stunned.

It recovered and fled onto a wooden structure, where one bear pursued and mauled it to death.

The park confirmed the killing in a statement, saying: "In an area where Sloth bears, great apes and Barbary macaques have coexisted peacefully for a long time, the harmony was temporarily disturbed during opening hours on Sunday."

"Of course the habitats here in the safari park are arranged in such a way that one animal almost never kills another, but they are and remain wild animals," it said.

Witness Marco Berelds posted a detailed report on the incident, including photos, on a Dutch Web site. He said one Sloth bear tried unsuccessfully to shake the monkey loose after it took refuge on the structure, built of crossing horizontal and vertical poles.

Ignoring attempts by keepers to distract it, the bear climbed onto a horizontal pole, and, standing stretched on two legs, "used its sharp canines to pull the macaque, which was shrieking and resisting, from its perch."

The bear then brought the animal to a concrete den, where three bears ate it.

The zoo said it "usually wasn't possible" for keepers to intervene when an animal killed another.

The park plans now to move the Barbary macaques — which are large monkeys but often inaccurately called "Barbary Apes" — to another part of the park, it said.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Frickin' Funny Friday

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

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What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

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What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.


What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

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What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.


How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

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How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

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What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Damn."